They’re wandering around the corridors and quads like wide-eyed lost lambs. Rather sweetly, they haven’t yet worked out that *both* sets of the university’s many double doors actually open, obviating the need for extensive queues. And they’re still at that precarious stage when they all go to the refectory at precisely the same time (thus making it impossible for everyone else to eat).

I’ve discovered a scientific solution to the latter problem at least, by working out exactly  how expensive an average lunch meal has to be in the various cafés in the area before an average student decides they can’t afford it. After a number of empirical tests, I’ve worked it out: £4.50.

Problem solved.